Hello.
Perhaps it would be good if I introduced this new venture into Substack.
I’m Paul, I’ve been writing and performing for a fair-few years now, mainly in London, occasionally outside of it. I enjoy what I do.
Before I did any of this, I was a rapper who wrote lyrics (and still does). Long story short, I never intended to do any of this, this being poems, stories, theatre, blogs etc (not consciously anyway) I fell in to live-poetry and also fringe-theatre, both of them due to chance-meetings with people. I never formally studied anything and everything I’ve learned; I’ve picked up along the way. Consequently, I’ve developed an ad-hoc way of writing and performing and just generally living life.
My path into this probably isn’t all that unique, I’ve met plenty of people who’ve found themselves doing this, without having ever set out to do it.
If I’m being honest, I’ve probably used the whole ‘not being educated’ thing as a bit of crutch and also as something to almost brag about. The crutch bit being, when I have to write funding-forms and haven’t yet mastered that funding-type-language that evades so many of us and can be a pain in the arse trying to write. The brag bit being, probably a cover-up for my own insecurities about not knowing enough about the artforms I operate in and the way I go about doing what I do. Am I doing it ‘right’? is someone gonna dig me out for it? Prime example, I’m worried that I should’ve put a semi-colon in that last sentence somewhere.
So why am I doing this?
Presently, I’m just talking / writing to myself, because no-one is subscribed, obviously but I think I’m still figuring out why I’m doing this. As self-absorbed as that sounds and probably is, it’s kinda fun trying to work-it-out. As it stands, my thinking, as muddled as ever and awash with various negative traits, is something along the lines of : This blog can be
1: A place to put up some of my poems / stories and thoughts etc
2: This is perhaps a way I can connect with more people?
3: It can also help improve my writing
4: It can help me grow some confidence in voicing my opinions
Perhaps.
1: I’ve rarely ever submitted any poems or stories to the seemingly endless list of magazines and blogs that publish that sort of thing. Just thinking about it, gives me a classic-case of brain-overload and then shut-down. I wouldn’t know where to start. I also don’t tend to engage with that world either, so why should anyone bother publishing my stuff? Though I did, to be fair, recently attend the launch for a Zine called It Was All A Zine but only because my mate Gary Hartley aka Gary From Leeds, was doing a rare performance. I bought the zine, I read the Zine, I quite liked it.
2:. I have a website, occasionally I do little things like this but I wonder to what avail? Substack got me excited, well, curious at least because it seems to be a centralised platform for writers, so maybe you can reach more people? Tags and keywords. Maybe I’m just a capitalist, desperate to sell his wares to as many people as possible, if seems like a market-place of sorts. A market place of thoughts? You can have that, mate. Who knows, maybe I’m just pissing in the wind, I’m late to the party as ever, but I’ll post anyway and see where it goes.
3. I recently did a short course, a Level 2 in Counselling Skills. I don’t have any qualifications above Level 2, Level 2, here in the UK, is the equivalent of wearing armbands when you’re learning to swim. Regardless, I enjoyed it but I found it challenging. I had to do a lot of writing which I found quite difficult. I realised I have a lot short-comings, which when writing my poems and stories, I can get away with, as I’ve made those short-comings part of what I do but formally, it’s no good, mate. So I dug-out a Key Stage 2 (primary level) spelling and grammar book that my mum gave me, years ago and have to decided to try and learn all the stuff I didn’t learn at school
4. I’m conflicted on this one. Social-media can be a toxic place for opinions. From politics to football it can be pretty nasty, so I tend to swerve getting involved in debates online, the road of least resistance, most likely. I also, as a policy, don’t really post anything that isn’t related to what I do but I’m often tempted... I read a fair amount, about politics and football and all sorts stuff really, I often don’t agree with the way the wind prevails but I’m scared if I voice an opinion, the wrong opinion, I’ll get shot down, quick, I’ve seen it happen. I also worry I won’t be able to defend my position, as I lack the knowledge skills do so, I’ll panic and flap and then give in. I’ve been made to look an idiot many times, when talking with people in person, it petrifies me. So perhaps this blog can be a way of me putting out some of those opinions, most of which are just floating around my head, causing a nuisance and are probably unformed and not thought though, writing them down, may help with this and it’s (so far) not quite as scary as Twitter.
So that’s it, mate. Substack, Me. Probably should’ve mentioned I’ve got a life-long of habit of being half-arsed about things, this could easily slip into that well-polished routine of mine. However, I think with a bit of planning, maybe I can be a bit more disciplined with it.
If you have read this (or listened) and you’ve got this far, thanks. Now, let’s see where this goes.
Paul Cree, October 2021
Another blog, why, Paul? Why?